The Sexism Commissioner

Father of three. Fifteen years writing about family law, fatherhood, and the politics of equality—without interest in applause.

I’ve been writing about family law, fatherhood, and what’s going wrong between men and women politically for fifteen years. It started with a blog about family roles and separated parenting—shared custody, parental rights, all that. At some point I realized the sexism debates that keep flaring up deserve their own space. So here we are.
My position in one sentence: equality means equal rights and equal responsibility—or it means nothing whatsoever.
I’m genuinely grateful for every woman who sees it the same way. And I’m convinced: the biggest beneficiaries of self-determined, accountable women are men who want to live self-determined lives themselves. The two go together.
What exhausts me is a feminism that turns personal responsibility into a one-way street. That runs on patterns like this: a woman makes a choice. The choice has consequences. Thirteen years later, when her own daughter starts asking uncomfortable questions, it was obviously the patriarchy. Specifically: a woman who put herself through university as a prostitute—freely, no trafficker, no coercion—becomes a campaign icon the moment the decision starts to embarrass her. The men who provided the financial incentive carry the blame. That she could simply have said no somehow doesn’t make it into Emma magazine.
For men, it works differently. When something bad happens to men, the default verdict is usually “should’ve known better”.
For what it’s worth, I faced a similar option myself. At eighteen, I could have financed my degree the same way. I said no—and spared myself the opportunity, fifteen years later, to accuse some friendly, older gentleman of only being interested in my Adonis backside and not in me as a person. Or to explain: “I was young and needed the money.” Everyone needs money. How you earn it is your own decision—and you should own that decision, even when it gets awkward once your kids find it on the internet.
A feminism that exempts women from personal responsibility will not produce equality. It will keep women locked in the victim role—and drive away every man who was actually interested in the real thing.
I’m a father of three, and I write here without any interest in applause.